If it were easy

 

They're Gunna Hear me ROAR!

A few nights ago I was driving back to school, I started to ponder about things that have been bothering me about myself. Probably not the healthiest thing to be doing, but I was doing it none the less. The biggest thing that has been bothering me is how introverted I am. I have however noticed that I have been getting a little better. But there are times that I still get thinking so much about what to say, that I shut down. I noticed this the other day for a group presentation, I just mentally shut down and whatever I did I physically could not make myself speak. And it is not that I don’t have something to say, because I do. I have strong opinions, but I just do not want to rub people the wrong way. I have also been a people pleaser, and sometimes, I say what I think people want me to say. I am really going to try from this day forward to say what I feel and think and let people know what I have to say. 

As I continued to drive a song came on that I thought were a bit ironic. It was Roar by Katy Perry. I have included part of the lyrics to show you.

 

I used to bite my tongue and hold my breath
Scared to rock the boat and make a mess
So I sat quietly, agreed politely
I guess that I forgot I had a choice
I let you push me past the breaking point
I stood for nothing, so I fell for everything

You held me down, but I got up
Already brushing off the dust
You hear my voice, you hear that sound
Like thunder gonna shake the ground
You held me down, but I got up
Get ready cause I’ve had enough
I see it all, I see it now

[Chorus]
I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire
Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR
Louder, louder than a lion
Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
You’re gonna hear me roar

Now I’m floating like a butterfly
Stinging like a bee I earned my stripes
I went from zero, to my own hero

Big Rocks...Little Rocks

There are 168 hours in a week which is equal to 604,800 seconds. Below I have sorted out my “big rocks.” The most important thing is my education, that is what I am devoting my life to, and I need to make that my top priority this year. And sleep is also very important for me, if I do not get at least 5 hours, I get very cranky and ornery and I have a very difficult time functioning. Working out and yoga are up next. Yoga helps me to relax, and helps me to keep focus.  

Class/studying- 60

Sleep- 48

Work-12

Workout-10

Eating/cooking-10

 

My “little rocks” the most important is my Student group. The remaining include research, family, McNair, free time, and reading/TV/me time. These pebbles are small and able to fill in my remaining time available in the week.

SNMA-3

McNair- 4

Family/friends- 5

Research- 5

Reading/TV/Me-7

Free-4

Not everything can be represented, but the most important are the ones that included. Not everything will fit into a nice "jar" but there remains room for the spur of the moment items.

Summertime Sadness

Many say summer is over.

 

Well, not quite. I have to say this is the saddest part of the summer, the end. We still about 2 weeks left of summer; school is in session and we no longer that the freedom that comes with the summer. We become more restricted to schedules because of meetings, events, and classes.

 

In retrospect, this was by far my most memorable and amazing summer that I have had, at least since the carefree days of my childhood. I tried many new things and I have been to new places and been on some crazy adventures, most of all I have met some wonderful and memorable people. There are just some many things that I do not know if I would be able to mention everything.

 

This summer I participated in the McNair Scholars Program at Central Michigan University, and it was hard, time consuming, made me doubt myself (intellectually and physically). But it was so worth it. It has been amazing. I pushed myself passed my boundaries. This experience has showed me the value of managing time better. At the beginning of the summer I attended a boot camp in Kentucky and that was a long week, but it was packed full of valuable information, southern food, and lots of laughter, but most of all adventures. Of course while we were there we had to try some “real” BBQ.

 

 

I was sure that I wanted to pursue an MD/PhD at the beginning of the summer, but through searching schools and working with patients, I have realized that the patient care is my primary interest. Don’t get me wrong, I love the research to, but I think that at this moment, I just was to do the MD or the DO t start, and if I decide later on I will pursue the PhD.

 

Throughout the summer, between working and research, I worked out with my McNair “peeps” at Seung-Ni and also did yoga. There were some sessions at Seung-Ni were I felt the burn, and really made me want to quit, but with the encouragement, I was about to continue. And in yoga, I have really increased my flexibility and can do some poses that I was not able to do before. Also yoga has changed my ability to relax and calm, which has become useful, especially on stressful days. All in preparation for the Color Run, this lives up to its motto, The Happiest 5K on Planet Earth. I have run dozens, if not hundreds of races, and that by far was the best. There is something refreshing about not trying to compete or a time and just having fun.

 

Other new things I tried was kayaking, which is fun, but I found that near the end of the trip, I got to the point; I just wanted to be done. But I also tried tubing, “college-style,” apparently. But it was fun, but to an extent, a 3 hour trip turned into a 5 hour trip, and being the only sober one has some limitations. But I was able to hang out with my friends whom I have not hung out with in a while, because we all always busy.

 

This summer I also worked at the hospital and the med school. Not only did I learn more about healthcare and medicine, the nurses have taught me a lot about life. They are always willing to give advice. They are also not afraid to share. They have taught me a lot about things I need to keep in mind when I become a doctor; be nice to the nurses, listen, be caring and personable, and be able and willing to explain why.

 

This was a summer for the record books. It was mainly about getting done to business, but I still managed to have some fun and try new things. The summer was amazing and memorable, but now that is t nearing the end, it is sad.

Mettle

There have been several instances in my life in which my “mettle” has been tested. I had to grow up fast. To begin with the first instance, it requires a little bit of background knowledge. I will begin with painting a picture of my past: some may or may not know I was paternally adopted shortly after I was born. To sum things up, my biological father felt that at the time he was not at a point in his life where he could raise and support a child, so he gave up his paternal rights. So my “adopted father” stepped in and took that responsibility. He and my mother married when I was 5 months old and he legally became my guardian when I was 8 months old. When I was 23 months old my little sister came into this wide and bright eyed. My mother and him divorced around the time I turned 6. I had to watch the number of relationships he went through as the years passed.

When I was about 8-9 I had to grow up fast. My mother and him had join custody, and in the summer we would spend equal times at the other. During the summer, I had to step up and grow up quick. I do not know exactly where he was or would go, but I had to babysit my younger sister and make sure that we both ate. In my opinion, and 8 year old should not be operating a stove, but I learned quick. I became a master at preparing mac and cheese and ramen noodles. It may not have been the healthiest meals, but hey it was better than nothing. When we were at my mom’s we would be at daycare or at a family’s. I helped to raise my sister, and it was hard on me but I think it made me realize some of the harsh cruelties of the real world and also it taught me a lot of valuable skills. With this situation I had to step up to take action.

The next time my mettle has been tested was senior year of high school, when I got a terrible phone call when waves crashed in on me and left me gasping for air and clarity. One of my closest friends from middle school, Tabi,  we drifted apart when we started high school, mainly because I moved, but we still would call and write to each other periodically. I received the phone call September 20, 2009 at about 1:00 in the afternoon when my life was forever altered. I got the call from another friend, Autumn, that Tabi had passed away from injuries sustained in a car accident the day before. The days that followed were a haze and surreal. When that Thursday, the day of the funeral, it hit me in all the chaos, I had lost one of my dearest friends. I miss her more than anything, and no one will ever be able to replace her, but each day I become a stronger person and I know that she is keeping an eye on me.

The most recent time in which my mettle has been tested has been with this McNair experience. This has pushed in so many more ways than I had anticipated. It has pushed me emotionally, educationally, physically, among others. There have been more times this summer that I have questioned and doubted myself, than I ever have before. But I have made some amazing friends who supports me, but also know exactly what I am going through, and it is people like them who will help me make my way through all of my education.