Mettle

There have been several instances in my life in which my “mettle” has been tested. I had to grow up fast. To begin with the first instance, it requires a little bit of background knowledge. I will begin with painting a picture of my past: some may or may not know I was paternally adopted shortly after I was born. To sum things up, my biological father felt that at the time he was not at a point in his life where he could raise and support a child, so he gave up his paternal rights. So my “adopted father” stepped in and took that responsibility. He and my mother married when I was 5 months old and he legally became my guardian when I was 8 months old. When I was 23 months old my little sister came into this wide and bright eyed. My mother and him divorced around the time I turned 6. I had to watch the number of relationships he went through as the years passed.

When I was about 8-9 I had to grow up fast. My mother and him had join custody, and in the summer we would spend equal times at the other. During the summer, I had to step up and grow up quick. I do not know exactly where he was or would go, but I had to babysit my younger sister and make sure that we both ate. In my opinion, and 8 year old should not be operating a stove, but I learned quick. I became a master at preparing mac and cheese and ramen noodles. It may not have been the healthiest meals, but hey it was better than nothing. When we were at my mom’s we would be at daycare or at a family’s. I helped to raise my sister, and it was hard on me but I think it made me realize some of the harsh cruelties of the real world and also it taught me a lot of valuable skills. With this situation I had to step up to take action.

The next time my mettle has been tested was senior year of high school, when I got a terrible phone call when waves crashed in on me and left me gasping for air and clarity. One of my closest friends from middle school, Tabi,  we drifted apart when we started high school, mainly because I moved, but we still would call and write to each other periodically. I received the phone call September 20, 2009 at about 1:00 in the afternoon when my life was forever altered. I got the call from another friend, Autumn, that Tabi had passed away from injuries sustained in a car accident the day before. The days that followed were a haze and surreal. When that Thursday, the day of the funeral, it hit me in all the chaos, I had lost one of my dearest friends. I miss her more than anything, and no one will ever be able to replace her, but each day I become a stronger person and I know that she is keeping an eye on me.

The most recent time in which my mettle has been tested has been with this McNair experience. This has pushed in so many more ways than I had anticipated. It has pushed me emotionally, educationally, physically, among others. There have been more times this summer that I have questioned and doubted myself, than I ever have before. But I have made some amazing friends who supports me, but also know exactly what I am going through, and it is people like them who will help me make my way through all of my education.